January 8, 2008
Say Hello, Say Goodbye
Posted by brys under Women::Queer::Cancer, agency, friendship, politics, queer
I think we’re done, here. How’s that for an ambivalent ending?
I hate endings. I hate saying, “Good bye”.
I am back at work, and my mind has been relentlessly elsewhere than on breast cancer. I had thought that by changing the name of the blog, from “Big Grrls DO Cry” to “Adventures in Deconstruction”, that I could shift the emphasis of the blog from cancer, to the politics of everyday life as a breast cancer survivor. And who knows, I may do that some day. But for now, I think that I need, definitively, to step away from cancer as a site of cultural production and analysis.
I want to thank you, for being here. And I want to encourage anyone who stops by, and wants more info, to please message me, by Commenting. If I know something that might be helpful, I will gladly pass it on. That function has been just one of the joys of maintaining this blog. What can I say? I am compulsively attached to some kind of idea of the Internet as a viral knowledge network that really does make a critical difference to lives where agency is imperiled. And sure as donuts at Tim Hortons, breast cancer and its attendant social/medical institutions, imperil one’s core sense of freedom, identity, value and viability.
If you feel like it, say “Hello”, or say “Goodbye”, by Commenting.
Presence. It’s all we are, and all we have.
January 8, 2008 at 8:51 pm
It’s been good chatting with you Mary, however briefly. I’m glad your brain and heart have moved on; it’s as it should be. I hope the rest of your life is as fierce and thoughtful and proud and honest as your presence here in space has been, with healthy dollops of joy thrown in. And good luck with the chest reconstruction surgery, if and when it happens.
January 8, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Mary,
It’s wonderful to outgrow things, isn’t it? It’s essential for our evolution.
I’ve just found you (again) but look forward to meeting you and getting to you know somehow, in whatever form and indentity you assume, digital or otherwise
regards
Dean
January 9, 2008 at 2:35 am
oh man, figures I stumble across this WONDERFUL site, only to have it come to an end. I wish you much health and happiness. I’m sure I’ll comment from time to time as I review your archives and your journey. As a 17 yr cancer survivor, I can tell you that you do move on from the cancer “mindset” and I applaud you for that - it’s a remarkably difficult thing to do. As I face my third diagnosis, perhaps it’s a good thing for me to remind myself of that too. 2008 will be a great year for you, I know it. Cheers!
p.s. I love (and MISS) Tim Horton’s!!!
January 10, 2008 at 6:35 am
It’s been grand my dear!
January 11, 2008 at 3:37 am
Isn’t it lovely to have a life where you don’t have to live it through a disease? It’s such a learning curve to get through the experience of having cancer.
I’ve loved your blog, and am sorry to say goodbye, but wish you greener pastures and a wonderful, vibrant, fun and love-filled life.
January 11, 2008 at 8:42 am
Thanks for taking us along on your journey…I learned a great deal from your path….
Ohhh and hey I want to visit with you and Janice…I’m heading to Hawaii in February and I suspect you may have some tips for me
January 13, 2008 at 10:50 am
Hi Mary, it’s been very interesting reading your blog & all the events are too familiar… I’ve survived for over 8 years, since my mastec at age 26. You’ve inspired me to seriously do my blog, however late it is!
So….have you joined the Abreast in the Boat? I’m from Singapore’s Paddlers in the Pink. If you’re already paddling, just send them our regards from our team. They know who we are!
Congratulations for getting the all clear & wish you all the best!
January 15, 2008 at 4:43 am
Hello. I’ve been lurking for a while. Now I crawl out of my lurking cover and salute. Wish you a continued, good recovery, in every whichway.
January 15, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Hello there folks — Thanks SO much for all your well wishes! I feel really blessed and like I am just basking in the glow of your kind thoughts.
Yesterday, I wanted to blog so intensely. I was refused service at a Barber Shop. “WE don’t DO Ladies hair” was their retort, which they kept repeating, like a mantra. “I don’t have ‘ladies’ hair” I intoned back, religiously, like they might know what I meant by that. Like, WTF is “Ladies’ Hair” anyway? Do I look like a “lady”? “Ain’t my hair, Hair?” to paraphrase someone deeply concerned about issues of equality (Sojourner Truth). I tried, more patiently, to explain that I only ever get my hair cut at a barbershop downtown. They would not budge. OMG. People are stunningly persistent in their commitments to the maintenance of banal forms of evil.
January 17, 2008 at 8:43 am
I just found you (via cancer bitch) - it’s disappointing that this is the first post, that I didn’t discover this blog earlier, because it looks awesome. But it totally makes sense to need to step back.
I’ve never had breast cancer. I’m diabetic, and I’ve been seeking out other blogs/communities around illness that have some kind of critical/queer/radical perspective because sometimes the mainstream illness communities have their limiations for me.
February 7, 2008 at 12:59 am
Just want to say thank you for putting yourself out there, for being so smart and for writing about it all. I’ll miss your blog; come back any time you feel like blogging. I suspect you have lots to say about many things that go way beyond breast cancer. I’d like to read them.
February 22, 2008 at 3:22 am
I should have posted a long time ago & am stupidly just getting around to it now…I miss your posts, and your POV. If you ever blog about anything,ever, let me know & I’ll come read it!!
Keep rocking the cancer fight, in whatever way you choose. You’re a superstar, Mary!
March 12, 2008 at 2:55 am
Hi. I have been reading this blog often. It pops up when I google whatever I am interested in at any current moment. We intersect intellectually.
Right now I am reading because I just found out that while my University account was bouncing emails again, I was accepted to present an abstract I dashed off a while back called Cancer Queer. THe symposium is Friday.
So I googled my title, and here I am.
If you want to toss me feminist references to use in showing how the cancer industry sucks up women’s agency my chemo brain would certainly be happy for it. You seem pretty well informed. I am too, but I am tired and cannot access my own mind very well, and my computer recently crashed so I have no access to old papers.
“I love your blog” is really the take home message here. It is wonderful to know I’m not the only queer intellectual with serious criticisms of the cancer industry that’s embroiled in same.
I’m glad to hear you are off doing and thinking about other things.
V
April 29, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Well crap! I come here every now and then to see if there are new words. Do you have a blog somewhere?- because it wouldn’t matter what you wrote about I’d enjoy it. I always got so much brain use from your ideas, words and perspective on the world. Anyway- if you find these words please know I think about you and wonder how you are doing.
I guess it does say “the end” and not “be back soon” or “see ya later”…
hugs.
May 31, 2008 at 12:12 am
Hi–I’ve had trouble myself with ending my blog. I’ve been chastised for not continuing to blog, even though I have little to say about breast cancer any more. I’ve blogged a little about writing, editing and teaching, which doesn’t seem that interesting even to me. I like the way you ended this.
–c. bitch
June 1, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Hi, the chronicle of your journey is moving, and enlightening… believe it would be of great interest to a new online community of others who are sharing this journey… If you would like your (now ended) blog to be included, send me an email. Cheers, Dr. Geoff Rutledge.